Late Night

So I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I guess keeping a private journal would probably be better than spewing my thoughts to the entire world, but what the hell, maybe someone will be able to connect with what I'm thinking. So yeah, I'm now officially a Yale graduate. Though I'm still trying to understand and accept what that really means, one thing is becoming more and more clear: it means the end. I don't say that to be overly dramatic, but simply to be true. For me especially, the end of Yale means the end of everything I've ever known. I've spent my entire life in Connecticut. Close to my family, friends never far, surroundings, seasons, cultures, everything familiar. Even after High School, I still knew I'd see my friends on breaks, and my family was never far away. But now, with TFA on the horizon, just 5 days before my move to Houston, I've realized the end to everything I've ever known. Most of my friends have left, the last of whom leaves tomorrow. I'm planning my last few days negotiating with parents about who I'm going to see when to have my "last suppers." It's really just crazy.

Most of all, I just can't believe the people I have to leave behind, or I guess who have already had to leave me behind. Everyone is off to do great things in their own corners of the world, while I'm here just waiting until I'm forced to accept my own place, my own next chapter. These people are the ones with whom I've grown, matured, laughed, cried, played, ate, haloed, watched movies, ran, sat, and talked. The ones who have not only shaped, but who have truly defined who I am today. The ones who have taught me what love is, and the ones who have taught me how to love. Thanks doesn't even seem to make sense when it comes down to what to say to these people, as I could never thank enough. I really do owe them my life, and I only hope to honor everything they've given me by living the best I can, as the man they've made me. To hopefully make them proud.

I've spent so much time thinking about what the future holds, and how I'm going to actually move forward, and the one thing I've realized is that we're always moving forward. Whether we like it or not. Life pushes us to where we're supposed to be even if we don't realize it at the time. Even if that pushing drives us farther and farther away from the ones we love, life keeps moving forward and all we can do is try our hardest to make sense of just what life is trying to teach us next, and to meet it with all the strength, perseverance, and love that we can.

I don't know if others feel this way after graduation but I'm endlessly sad that life is pushing me forward, away from all I've ever known. I know this sadness wont last, mostly because the tears have stopped, and I look forward to the excitement that will inevitably come from standing at the cusp of literally a new world. But for now, I'll embrace the sorrow, and let it remind me of just how much those who have defined my life really meant to me. Because for me to be this sad, I really must have had one hell of a ride so far.

So I apologize that this late night rambling was pretty rambled...? (that's really a word?) And I realize I didn't have much of a point, but I do feel a bit better now, a little more settled, like I can sleep.

Hopefully the rest of this blog will be more interesting as I show you what its like to move from one world to another and to go try to teach the younger generation to be just a little bit smarter than I was. Hopefully anyone who reads this will find it a little bit interesting, but if not, I'm happy to be writing it anyway.

Lets see, I didnt have much funny stuff in here, and I like to make people laugh, to see them smile so lets see... Ok this one's from pulp fiction, I like it. What did the daddy tomato say to his son tomato as they crossed the street? Catch'up! (as the son is hit by a car.) Yeah I realize its a little dark. My bad. Still probably got a chuckle right? No? Yes? C'moooon... Okay hopefully better ones to come.

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica,
Peace,
The Mesh